11 Things I Learned in My 27th Year

A reflection on the most painful, and most beautiful, year of my life. (In celebration of bithday, and my return to Substack)

I am so excited to re-launch my Substack. What can you expect, you might ask? Well… Since I was very young, I never wished to be easily defined (enter: a 6 year old over-identifying with a Franz Kafka quote).

And in my current reconnection with, and pursuit of, creativity (a la The Artist’s Way) I am intentional to not pigeonhole myself into any specific niche. “The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.” Cameron writes, “We must learn to let the flow manifest itself where it will - not where we will it.”

So… some weeks you can expect poems, perhaps love-filled ones from the last few months or ones written 10 years ago out of the depths of grief and heartbreak. Some weeks you can expect a more frivolous note on my favorite skincare products as of late, my opinion on funnel necks for fall, or a review of my recent empties. Other weeks you may find yourself diving into my 2 day Montecito itinerary, my 3 step method to manifesting your soulmate, or my key takeaways from a recent read.

Perhaps I’ll post once a week. Perhaps I’ll post twice some weeks, if I really have a lot to say. Perhaps I’ll skip some weeks if I’m particularly busy. Perhaps later, I’ll commit to a more defined schedule. For now… we’ll see how it unfolds, together. As always, please please share your questions, comments and opinions with me. I am deeply inspired by the questions I am asked, as they really help me tap into the ways in which I can be the most helpful and create the most impact. And ultimately, beyond simply exercising my creativity and utilizing this medium as an outlet in that way, I want to create what is most valuable, interesting and entertaining for you. So please share all requests with me, either via comments here on Substack, Instagram DM, or email (hannah@thecurrentagency.co).

For now, to begin… I wrote the following on my birthday last week (August 6th) at San Ysidro Ranch, one of the most beautiful places I have ever been (perhaps a post on that to come). It was pure magic. I am so deeply grateful. Here we go.

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My birthday last year was one of the worst, most painful days of my life. Perhaps a story for another time, as it’s far too long and far too unrelated to get into now. In short- it included 2 unplanned flights, the culmination of an impending breakup during the closing of my new house with whom I thought I was marrying, countless tears, and the beginning what can only be described as a nervous breakdown. Just know that this past year has been the singular darkest of my entire life. It has been marked by trauma, grief, loss, heartbreak, betrayal, literal war, loneliness, confusion, hopelessness, existential dread, deep deep depression, debilitating anxiety… I could go on. Call it dark night of the soul, call it saturn return, call it ego death, there are a million different names and the differences are unbeknownst to me, all I can tell you is that it was hell. Pure hell.

I was at the bottom of a hole so deep and so dark that I couldn’t see any light at the top, and I had absolutely no idea how the hell I could ever possibly claw my way out. At times I was waiting for someone to throw down a latter and save me, and even when loved ones attempted my rescue, the ladder didn’t seem to reach. Other times I (almost) gave up, and felt completely hopeless and defeated. But looking back, day by day I was healing. Even on the days when I felt like I was completely stuck, when I was simply existing to get through the day, I was healing. I don’t know how or why I kept going, really. But I guess that deep down, my soul knew that there was such a beautiful life waiting for me on the other side if I could just keep going.

I do remember one thing that my good friend Brianna Weist told me. She told me that “stars have to implode before they go supernova”. I remember telling her that I felt like I was dying and she affirmed that yes, a version of me was dying. Dying and in result making space for the new me to emerge. At the time, it was almost impossible for me to comprehend that it could ever get better. I didn’t understand why my life, which I thought was so perfect, fell apart in what seemed like an instant? And my preoccupation with what I lost left little room for anything new to be built… I was so stuck. So she then also told me that, “I could not rebuild a new city while I was still circling the ruins of what once was”. Meaning that in order to move forward, I had to accept that the life that fell apart, the life I missed so deeply, was no longer and never would be again, but that it was all for the good. That there was something so much better and more aligned in store for me. It took me time to begin to believe it, to even believe that maybe she was right. And when I really began to heal and move forward, I felt no connection with anything that reminded me of the past, even clothes and songs. A true ego death. It was so strange... For a period of time, I was so averse to it all- everything I saw, heard and touched needed to be new, fresh, with no memories and no stale energy attached.

It’s only now, standing on the other side, that I can see what was really happening. Everything I thought was breaking me was, in truth, expanding me to receive more. More than I ever even thought was possible. And to be able to give more, too. Which is the greatest gift of all.

The old version of me had to die so that something more true, more certain, more abundant, more impactful could be born. And while I wouldn’t wish that level of pain on anyone, I also wouldn’t trade it… for anything.

Which brings me here, to this moment. To sharing again. To choosing love, creativity, connection, faith, surrender, impact, giving and certainty over fear, doubt, worry, cynicism, chasing, grasping and anxiety.

I am entering 28 happier than I've ever been. I am so fulfilled, I am so excited, I feel so aligned, I feel so abundant. I feel connected to myself, to those I love, to Gd, to nature, to the universe. I am more confident, and most importantly more certain... certain in myself, in my intelligence, in my heart, in my potential, in my worth, in my power, in my ability to love and to be loved, in my purpose to help others and to make an impact. I am so proud of what I rebuilt, entirely by myself. I am so proud of the way I clawed myself out of a hole darker than most will ever know (I’ll share more on that when the time is right).

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The other day, a group of 19 year old girls asked me what advice I would give to my younger self and my answer was of course… absolutely nothing. For I wouldn't risk changing a single element of my reality today, simply to spare a younger version of myself from experiencing so much pain.

But I know what they were asking for. It's what we all want, isn't it? A blue print, a cheat code.

The lesson without the pain, the wisdom without the suffering the shiny glazed final product, with no mistakes en route.

As time goes on, I'm less sure that manifestation is about creating and designing our reality, as much as it is being able to see and tap into what is meant for us. Not that it’s guaranteed, but that it’s possible. Perhaps our highest possibility, or our highest timeline.

And if I have learned one thing, I have learned that every ounce of pain has a purpose. And really, our only free will is to choose to learn and expand from pain and to use it as our teacher, rather than succumb to pain and become paralyzed with anxiety, depression and fear. Or even worse, to repeat patterns over and over out of refusal to learn the lessons we are meant to learn. So while I lovingly do not wish to interfere with anyone’s process, perhaps some of these insights can help guide you through yours.

So, without further ado… here are my top 11 learnings from 27.

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11 key learnings from 27:

1. The universe’s plan > your plan. Stop trying to grasp what isn't meant for you with a closed fist, just because you think it's the best you're ever going to get. You're blocking your blessings. Know that if something isn’t working out, it is always “this or something better” (this TikTok that I posted this past week, elaborate on this concept a bit more).

2. We are all "manifesting", whether we are aware of it or not. Some of are just unconsciously manifesting, and may not like the outcome. Intentional manifestation isn’t about forcing, it's simply about shifting your frequency.

   Similarly to how a radio station simultaneously has programming's on all channels, you have all frequencies available to you. Your work is to expand your vessel, raise your vibration and tune into the energetic match of the reality you intend to call in and manifest.

3. Alchemize pain. Pain is your greatest teacher. The only true tragedy is wasted pain, that you do not learn or grow from. One of my best friends always says… “never waste a good crisis”. (this TikTok that I posted yesterday expands on this).

4. Surrender. Allow things to unfold, rather than by chasing or forcing. Trust that it will all work out, and that every ounce of pain will teach you and prepare you for what is truly meant for you. Every time you have the urge to chase or grasp tighter, the best thing you can do is surrender and let go. This applies to everything- jobs, relationships, etc. (this TikTok describes this concept using a friend’s example of finding out her situationship was seeing other women when she found a thong in his laundry).

5. If you’re in a period of life that feels particularly challenging, please know that the light will return. I promise. I promise promise. We can only connect the dots looking backwards. A few months ago, I heard Rabbi Farhi in New York say that faith is like an insurance plan. He continued to explain that it’s of course easy to have faith when things are good, but then when times are tough we give up on, and doubt, our faith. It’s like paying your insurance bill every month (doing the work by praying, meditating, journaling etc) but then when you need to use the insurance plan (in tough times) you don’t cash in on it. You don’t draw on the insurance policy you’ve been contributing to all along.

6. Listen to your heart and gut more than anything and take everything EVERYONE says with a grain of salt (including therapists, rabbis, best friends, etc). People can usually only speak from their own, limited experience. Read that again. People can mostly only share from their own experience, from what the universe has proven to them is possible. Yes, people share what they have learned from formal study too but ultimately people have the most conviction in what they have witnessed either by their own experience, or viewing someone else’s. It’s a good rule of thumb to not blindly listen to 100% of what anyone has to say, no matter how wise they are. Everyone is still learning, and in their own process.

7. Know that popular statements and sayings apply to the majority of the world, which is why they are generally regarded as universal… But if you feel called towards an extraordinarily magnificent or big life, chances are you will not fir the standard mold and therefore not all traditional adages will apply, “work” or help you get to where you know you are meant to go… to be who you are meant to be. If I would have listened to others, I would not have most things in my life (including my relationship or career).

8. Question everything. Doing so will allow you to deepen your beliefs and strengthen your faith.

9. EVERYONE has something they can teach you. Every. Single. Person. You. Meet.

10. The people really really make the place. Love, friendship, community and family are everything. It’s really not even about the journey versus the destination, so much so that it’s about the company, and how they impact your energy, your growth and your belief of what’s possible.

11. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even when you don't see it. In my experience, what separates those who live average lives from those who live BIG lives is that they keep going, even when the middle of the tunnel is pitch black and they can’t see the light at the end of it. That’s faith. You know that the light is there, and will return again, even when you can’t see it. And you have faith that the end of the tunnel will be so much more miraculous, beautiful and aligned than the place where you entered it, even if you have no idea what’s in store. You don’t sit down, you don’t turn around to return what was safe or is known. And when you grasp that… the entire tunnel dissolves in entirety.

See you next week <3

With love,

Hannah Eve